The Obstacles To Effective Listening

It is very difficult and challenging to listen to each other without preconceived ideas and values or defensiveness. Must we admit that a biased, uncompassionate approach intensifies divisions? In our small gatherings, it’s not uncommon for someone to disagree with what we just said. Usually, they didn’t hear or understand properly what was said and lacked the courage or humility to ask, non-confrontationally, for clarification.

How Reactions Hinder Dialogue

Of course, we make mistakes, but such a mentality does not support an open dialogue and mutual understanding. Unfortunately, our reaction is also often compromised by the negative energy created. We become protective, or we suppress our own judgments, or we desire to retaliate. Consequently, our responses become incomplete at best, as the environment does not feel secure or welcoming to us.

Typically, our replies often include many assumptions, such as “I understand your intentions. I know what you’re attempting to say, I did grasp your point. Thus, I am justified in criticizing you.” In this energy field, no one benefits or gains insight. Without respect and trust, no one can communicate the truth effectively. This, sadly, appears to be indicative of the state currently dominating public conversation.

Deep and Compassionate Listening

Fortunately, some individuals possess the grace and the skill to listen deeply, they have the capacity to ask if they understood correctly, thereby reflect back to us their interpretation of our words. This gives us the opportunity to clarify or acknowledge potential communication errors or misinterpretations. When we listen and respond in this way, we show each person the respect and dignity they inherently deserve as a human being. Each person feels acknowledged, and any misunderstandings are resolved with compassion.

The Art of Listening

How many times has my wife complained, “You’re not listening,” and been totally right? I heard every word but chose not to pay attention. The noise of my own thoughts had deafened me.

Real communication was not my forte. The question arising from this awareness was, what does it really mean to listen? With curiosity, I started observing intently what was going on around me. I noticed how extremely difficult it is to communicate with one another, even if we know each other very well.

Few of us listen directly to what is being said. We always interpret it according to our particular point of view and with the desire to be right. We hear everything through a filter of preconceptions, prepackaged values, likes, and dislikes. We listen, therefore, to our own noise, our own conditioning.

No wonder we do not understand one another.

My challenge, then, was to be aware of my conditioning and yet to be free from it. I had to give the other person all my attention without making an effort and without interpreting.

Listening

The exercise, when seeing and hearing another’s pain,
is to gently hold it
like a precious jewel in the middle of your chest
just for a moment
without comparing it with your own pain.